A Little Taste of Heaven

     If you've ever been to a Hope Fellowship church service (or even one of the Tuesday night bible study meetings we had before we were officially a church) then you know that the majority of our church is under the age of twelve. So we set it up so that the children are divided into older girls, older boys, younger girls, and younger boys. (There are six groups total, two for the older kids and four for the younger kids since we tend to have more younger children). From sixth grade to the end of my sophomore year I led the group of older girls (3rd- 5th grade). I loved every second of it. I've mentioned in past blogs that, I've spent most of my time on the reservation (and therefore most of my life), being extremely bitter toward life and hateful toward God. I believed for so long that our time on the reservation would last only a short while. I believed that we would leave, that we would go back to Alabama and I would be able to have the life that I believed I should have. A life I thought I deserved. The Lord twisted my heart and I fell in love with the reservation. The love I had for the kids here was rivaled only by my selfish desire to return "home." I was torn between the life I had and the life I wanted. I still am. My love for the reservation didn't form in one place of with one person, it started at Harrah Elementary School, the White Swan Longhouse, and Totus Park. It took root in Darrion, Leandra, and Lenelle. The love I had for these kids was felt most strongly at bible study. When I was doing exactly what the Lord had called me to do. When I was sharing the gospel and watching hope spring into the faces of the children the Lord had used to change my heart. For five long years I came to the Longhouse to teach and show 3rd to 5th grade girls the truth and love of Christ. I watched them grow up and when it was time for my first group of third graders to go into youth group, I became a leader in the youth group in order to have a discipleship group with them when they were ready.

     When the time came for Ann Marie to go to college, Jade agreed to become the leader of the group of younger boys Re had been working with. When Beth went to college the following year, I became the leader of the younger girls group and Tionna became the leader of the older girls. There were a lot more younger girls than older girls and I had more experience as a group leader so it worked out well. So for the last two years I have been working with younger girls with Connie rather than older girls. The younger girls keep me on my toes as much as the older girls did, but in different ways. I love both groups equally, but I feel like I work best with the older girls. 

     For the last two weeks, Tionna hasn't been able to make it to Church, so I have led her group while Beth (who is back for the summer) has led the younger girls. I'd forgotten what it felt like to be with the older girls group. I'd known most of them since they were little, so I was as familiar to them as they were to me. Though there were a few I didn't know very well because they were new. The first week I led the older girls group, there were only five girls, but this last week there were eleven. The largest group of older girls we'd seen all summer. We filled an entire row of chairs. I was sandwiched between sissy and Lenelle. Lenelle has moved around a lot this summer, so she hasn't been at church more than two or three times. Sissy hasn't come at all. Lenelle fidgeted with the song sheets. Sissy traced her pointer finger along the song lyrics and sang at the top of her lungs in a tune all her own, but joyful nonetheless. Further down the row Elizabeth sat completely still, her eyes trained on Ann Marie as she led the songs. She wasn't singing, but she was paying full attention to everything that was happening. Whinnie was fighting to keep her eyes open. Jessica held the song sheet before her but didn't look at it, she already had the song memorized after all. Instead, she looked out the window, her eyes trained on the distant hills, her hand resting over her heart, her lungs bursting in song. Ashly squirmed and stifled little giggles as Kalani tickled her and pinched her ears. Marina kept her eyes on me, just as she had the week before. Of all the girls in the group, I knew her the least and what I did know about her came from the stories I had heard from the interns and staff members who had been at the Totus Park kids club that summer (I had been at Adam's View). I knew she was quiet, she didn't trust anyone, and she liked church. She was Ashly's cousin and was supposed to have only been in town for a short while, but she hadn't left all summer and it didn't look like she was going to. 

     When the kids transitioned to Children's Church, Sissy watched, Lenelle asked questions about anything and everything, Elizabeth played with her hair, Whinnie laid her head on the table, Jessica listened to Joshua and raised her hand with an answer to any question he asked about the story, Natalie copied Jessica, Tiana sat quietly and didn't raise her hand once though I was sure she knew all of the answers as well, Summer watched everyone around her and, as usual, I wondered what she was thinking about, Kalani messed with Ashly, Ashly messed with Kalani, and Marina listened intently to what Joshua had to say about the sick woman who touched Jesus' cloak and was healed. 

     After the story, we went into our classroom and talked about the story as they led the sick woman to Jesus in the maze, colored colored a picture of the story, or found key words from the story in a crossword. Together, the girls retold the story, one girl describing the main events while others added in the details that they remembered. They were sure to tell me these things:

"Jesus didn't have a magic shirt."

"He's not a magic man with magic powers. He gets his power from his dad."

"'cause his dad is God, you know."

"He liked the woman just like he liked the blind men last week."

"He likes them because he likes everyone." 

"He was busy but he still had time for them."

"He makes time for everyone."

The conversation didn't end, and I still don't know that it has. This is what I love about the older girls. we are at a stage in the ministry where the older girls we have now grew up in church, they are familiar with the fundamental facts about Christ. They know enough to crave more and when they're with each other, they discuss it freely, they develop their own opinions based on what they already know and believe to be true. They remind each other about last weeks story and the one before that, and what God did here, and how he helped someone there. They form their own questions and they aren't afraid to ask a leader or talk about it with each other. Together, these girls are discovering Christ. Their growing in their faith and making it their own, but at the same time, they are making this journey as a group. This is how church is supposed to be. We are all called to follow christ, but it is not a journey we have to make alone. This group of girls know more about how church is supposed to be at the age of nine than I do at the age of seventeen and to be able to work with them and help them process all that is happening and watch them learn to trust God is a little taste of heaven.