A Little Taste of Heaven

     If you've ever been to a Hope Fellowship church service (or even one of the Tuesday night bible study meetings we had before we were officially a church) then you know that the majority of our church is under the age of twelve. So we set it up so that the children are divided into older girls, older boys, younger girls, and younger boys. (There are six groups total, two for the older kids and four for the younger kids since we tend to have more younger children). From sixth grade to the end of my sophomore year I led the group of older girls (3rd- 5th grade). I loved every second of it. I've mentioned in past blogs that, I've spent most of my time on the reservation (and therefore most of my life), being extremely bitter toward life and hateful toward God. I believed for so long that our time on the reservation would last only a short while. I believed that we would leave, that we would go back to Alabama and I would be able to have the life that I believed I should have. A life I thought I deserved. The Lord twisted my heart and I fell in love with the reservation. The love I had for the kids here was rivaled only by my selfish desire to return "home." I was torn between the life I had and the life I wanted. I still am. My love for the reservation didn't form in one place of with one person, it started at Harrah Elementary School, the White Swan Longhouse, and Totus Park. It took root in Darrion, Leandra, and Lenelle. The love I had for these kids was felt most strongly at bible study. When I was doing exactly what the Lord had called me to do. When I was sharing the gospel and watching hope spring into the faces of the children the Lord had used to change my heart. For five long years I came to the Longhouse to teach and show 3rd to 5th grade girls the truth and love of Christ. I watched them grow up and when it was time for my first group of third graders to go into youth group, I became a leader in the youth group in order to have a discipleship group with them when they were ready.

     When the time came for Ann Marie to go to college, Jade agreed to become the leader of the group of younger boys Re had been working with. When Beth went to college the following year, I became the leader of the younger girls group and Tionna became the leader of the older girls. There were a lot more younger girls than older girls and I had more experience as a group leader so it worked out well. So for the last two years I have been working with younger girls with Connie rather than older girls. The younger girls keep me on my toes as much as the older girls did, but in different ways. I love both groups equally, but I feel like I work best with the older girls. 

     For the last two weeks, Tionna hasn't been able to make it to Church, so I have led her group while Beth (who is back for the summer) has led the younger girls. I'd forgotten what it felt like to be with the older girls group. I'd known most of them since they were little, so I was as familiar to them as they were to me. Though there were a few I didn't know very well because they were new. The first week I led the older girls group, there were only five girls, but this last week there were eleven. The largest group of older girls we'd seen all summer. We filled an entire row of chairs. I was sandwiched between sissy and Lenelle. Lenelle has moved around a lot this summer, so she hasn't been at church more than two or three times. Sissy hasn't come at all. Lenelle fidgeted with the song sheets. Sissy traced her pointer finger along the song lyrics and sang at the top of her lungs in a tune all her own, but joyful nonetheless. Further down the row Elizabeth sat completely still, her eyes trained on Ann Marie as she led the songs. She wasn't singing, but she was paying full attention to everything that was happening. Whinnie was fighting to keep her eyes open. Jessica held the song sheet before her but didn't look at it, she already had the song memorized after all. Instead, she looked out the window, her eyes trained on the distant hills, her hand resting over her heart, her lungs bursting in song. Ashly squirmed and stifled little giggles as Kalani tickled her and pinched her ears. Marina kept her eyes on me, just as she had the week before. Of all the girls in the group, I knew her the least and what I did know about her came from the stories I had heard from the interns and staff members who had been at the Totus Park kids club that summer (I had been at Adam's View). I knew she was quiet, she didn't trust anyone, and she liked church. She was Ashly's cousin and was supposed to have only been in town for a short while, but she hadn't left all summer and it didn't look like she was going to. 

     When the kids transitioned to Children's Church, Sissy watched, Lenelle asked questions about anything and everything, Elizabeth played with her hair, Whinnie laid her head on the table, Jessica listened to Joshua and raised her hand with an answer to any question he asked about the story, Natalie copied Jessica, Tiana sat quietly and didn't raise her hand once though I was sure she knew all of the answers as well, Summer watched everyone around her and, as usual, I wondered what she was thinking about, Kalani messed with Ashly, Ashly messed with Kalani, and Marina listened intently to what Joshua had to say about the sick woman who touched Jesus' cloak and was healed. 

     After the story, we went into our classroom and talked about the story as they led the sick woman to Jesus in the maze, colored colored a picture of the story, or found key words from the story in a crossword. Together, the girls retold the story, one girl describing the main events while others added in the details that they remembered. They were sure to tell me these things:

"Jesus didn't have a magic shirt."

"He's not a magic man with magic powers. He gets his power from his dad."

"'cause his dad is God, you know."

"He liked the woman just like he liked the blind men last week."

"He likes them because he likes everyone." 

"He was busy but he still had time for them."

"He makes time for everyone."

The conversation didn't end, and I still don't know that it has. This is what I love about the older girls. we are at a stage in the ministry where the older girls we have now grew up in church, they are familiar with the fundamental facts about Christ. They know enough to crave more and when they're with each other, they discuss it freely, they develop their own opinions based on what they already know and believe to be true. They remind each other about last weeks story and the one before that, and what God did here, and how he helped someone there. They form their own questions and they aren't afraid to ask a leader or talk about it with each other. Together, these girls are discovering Christ. Their growing in their faith and making it their own, but at the same time, they are making this journey as a group. This is how church is supposed to be. We are all called to follow christ, but it is not a journey we have to make alone. This group of girls know more about how church is supposed to be at the age of nine than I do at the age of seventeen and to be able to work with them and help them process all that is happening and watch them learn to trust God is a little taste of heaven.

Bus Ride

     Every Tuesday night, I've always ridden on the vans/buses that we drive around to pick up our teenagers for Youth Group. I've been doing this for about three years and in the last year I switched from riding with Joshua to get teenagers in White Swan to riding with Jesse in order to get kids in Adam's View. All over the Rez, the home situations of the kids and youth are rough and Adam's view is no exception.
     About three weeks ago, Jesse and I stopped by the first house on our pick up list; a girl who we'll call Emily. Emily's next door neighbors have two teenagers who have come to Youth Group countless times so we pulled up a few feet and honked the horn.
     "Carmen and Jose can't come." Emily informed us.
     No one came out of the house to say otherwise, so we kept going. It's not uncommon for the guardians of the kids to keep them from coming to Youth Group. Its punishment, not being allowed to come to church. If they take away the kid's favorite thing, maybe the kid will stop getting in fights, maybe the kid will listen to them, maybe the kid will get better grades, and then maybe the school will stop calling them with complaints.
     We ate dinner, played games, listened to Chuck teach the lesson, met in small groups to talk about the lesson and loaded back into the buses to take the kids home again. Emily, as always, was moving all around the bus socializing. Of course, she wasn't the only one. Most weeks my voice echos throughout the donated shuttle bus saying, "Sit down, DeShawn", "Theo keep your hands to yourself!", "Alize, you have to put your phone away!", "Brandon, watch your language!", "Everyone needs to quiet down!"People were quieter this week though, and attendance was low so things weren't quite so crazy. I gave Emily one last warning telling her she needed to stay in one seat and stop moving around so much. She plopped down next to me and finally quieted down.
     The bus was nearly silent, but only because anyone who had a phone was on it. They like to think that they can be tricky, but the glare from the screen, the hunched shoulders, and the rapidly tapping fingers kinda, sorta, definitely gives them away. I know I should tell them to put the phones away, but silence is well... golden. So I silently traded them a few minutes of phone time for a few more minutes of quiet. Emily stared at me and I had a feeling she was about to tattle about the phones, which is a bit of a habit of hers. I closed my eyes and hoped she thought I was asleep. The bus rattled on down the road, I clenched my teeth to keep from accidentally biting my tongue as we turned onto the bumpy gravel road. I glanced at Emily, she wasn't staring at me anymore. I closed my eyes again.
     Emily tapped my shoulder, "Morgan?"
     "Yep?"
     "I know why Carmen and Jose didn't come."
     My heart skipped and I sat up straight. Like any sixth grade girl, Emily isn't good at keeping information to herself especially information concerning someone else. The fact that she hadn't told me as soon as we'd picked her up for Youth Group meant it must be serious. Also, Carmen and Jose's home situation hasn't been great to say the least. The thing that topped it all off, though, was the fact that Emily was whispering... well, trying to whisper anyway. She never whispers.
     "It's Carmen. She wasn't at school either."
     "Is she out of town?" Lord, please let her just be out of town.
     Emily shook her head, "My mom saw her this morning. She was outside in her front yard and - you know how her stepdad is back now? Well he came outside and started yelling at her, telling her she can't be outside. She was explaining herself but he got more and more mad and he hit her. He hit her hard, Morgan. She fell to the ground and I think she was probably crying. Her mom watched from the doorways and kept Carmen's brothers behind her, trying to get them to stay inside so they wouldn't watch. Her stepdad yelled at her, he said she couldn't go to school now. Said he wouldn't let her go to school and snitch on him."
     I couldn't think of anything to say. What could I say? "Everything will be okay" felt like a cliche lie. "I'm sorry" couldn't possible suffice. I turned around, ready to tell the kids to turn off their phones, suddenly hating the bitter silence.
     The phones were already turned off. You could tell which kids had heard, they stared at the floor, the pain etched in their face. They could relate to Carmen.
     "I'm going to be praying for Carmen and her family." I said softly.
     Emily nodded.
     The bus doors opened to let one of the kids off at their house.

     We've gone by Carmen and Jose's house for the last three weeks. Every time, there are no kids to be seen. Every time, Emily reminds us that they've moved to Yakima, they're staying there with their aunt and uncle. Carmen has told me about her aunt and uncle in Yakima, they're nice to her. She's safe. 

     There are a lot of hard things about living on the Rez, but the hardest is seeing or hearing about a situation that's out of your hands. When you can't do anything but pray that the Lord will protect them and give you the faith to believe that He will.

Out of Trust

     My sisters, Ann Marie and Beth, have both recently gone to Covenant College in Georgia. Beth is entering the school as a freshman so this is her first year away. For years now Beth has been ministering to a family of three girls and their cousins (two more girls and one boy). The love Beth showed these children grew quickly and became even stronger when the three cousins moved away. The three who stayed in White Swan are Odessa (7), Sharyce (6), and Anjelica (4). 

     Beth's last summer here she tried to get the three to feel more comfortable with the other staff members, specifically my siblings and me, so that when she wasn't here, they would continue to look forward to coming to church and we would be able to look out for them until Beth could came back. Sharyce became more open than the others, but gradually Odessa and Anjelica became more comfortable with Ann Marie and Marisol as well. Of course Ann Marie also left for college, so that left Marisol as the only one that they were really comfortable with. However, with the end of the summer, the interns all left and Ann Marie and Beth went along with them, leaving those who stayed short-handed. We had to fill in for the gaps that had been left. We all had our hands tied and that included Marisol, so no one could have one on one time with a child nor could Marisol have on on three time with Beth's girls. The girls came to church only once after Beth left; they wanted Beth and only Beth. 

     A while back, we received a package from Beth addressed to her girls. My brother was on the van that went by their house to pick them up for church on Sundays and gave them the box sent by Beth. That was the night they came to church again.

     "I had to beg them to come, telling them over and over, 'Beth wants you to go!'" David told us.

     Yesterday we hosted a kid's club in Totus Park like we do during the summers. I rode on the bus with Veronica to pick up the kids who lived in White Swan, but not in Totus. This included Beth's girls. As they saw the bus pull into their driveway they started jumping up and down in their excitement. I hadn't seen them this cheerful since Beth left a month ago. 

    Sharyce led skipped into the bus, Anjelica and Odessa behind her. Sharyce gave me a hug and showed me her pink, flowered headband, "You see it, Morgan? Beth sent it to me! From her school!"

    Anjelica eyed me skeptically, "How tome you loot like Bet?" It's common for kids to say certain words weird or with a lisp, but the unique way Anjelica speaks is absolutely adorable... and usually extremely hard to understand. 

     "I look like her 'cause I'm her sister." I replied.

     "Her tister?"

     I nodded.

     "Can you hold me like Bet does, then?"

     In the two hours we spent at Kids Club, Anjelica never left my arms.

     I gave Anjelica no reason to trust me, she trusted me because I was Beth's sister. So it has been with this entire ministry. The adults, youth, and kids, all started coming because they trusted and loved someone who was associated with the ministry, whether it be a staff member, summer intern, or team member. This trust has grown into a love for the church. Others come as a result of the love shown in the indivuduals who trust us. So you see, this church is growing like a wildfire, with a spiderweb of relationships as it's heart. The love Christ shows others through us is strong enough to pass onto someone else who hasn't felt this love firsthand. That is how this church is growing. It started out as friendships, but those sprouted and branched out faster than anyone had ever hoped they would. When you break it down, you can see that the root of this church is trust.